Turns Out Tupac's Not Dead, He Just Really Let Himself Go

Fear not, Cootlings! He is whipping himself back into shape via Fairfield's Fit Club and perfectly safe FDA-approved over-the-counter amphetamines. Check it out: I was reminded I was due for Web 2.0 training by Google Calendars and here I am being productive online and having fun with photos, all whilst listening to the radio on the Internet (WCPE-All Classical because that's the level of Cootiness I've got going over here). I am whipping out three weeks at once, y'all! Jealous? Don't be. Deb N., Ron and that "Jerry" character are all kicking Fit Club hindquarters while The Cootess remains full of excuses, cheese, bitterness and unsightly fat, and, unlike Ronpac, The Cootess does not carry all her fat in Her head and cannot cover Her shame with a jaunty cap or funky do-rag. It's early days yet though and at least I'm doing better than Charles or (and this has just occurred to Me) is Charles playing us all? Is Charles pulling a Verbal? Is Charles really Keyser Soze? Or, better yet, is Charles really Stephen Baldwin? It would explain a lot. Whew! I think all this multitasking is starting to get me ... and the coupons, oh God, the KFC coupons! Are you guys as inundated as we are with demands for the Oprah KFC coupons? In the name of all that's Cootified, does the Great Cootess Oprah know what She hath wrought with this free two-piece grilled nonsense? When is she having a parcel of Librarians on for one of those giveaway shows? That's what I want to know. And The Cootess's obsession with hip-hop figures and cheese: what's that about? Tune in next time when all these questions will remain unanswered.

Qutoable Quotes:
“Due to what has happened so severely when the red shoes hit the runway, I was forced to change my name to Martin Louis the King Jr. Address me as such”

“If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn’t be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure.”
--Testify, Oh Great Cootess Kanye West!